Colossians3v18to4v1: PAUL'S RECIPY FOR GOOD RELATIONSHIPS

Introduction.

There are 3 points to make before looking at the detail of this passage:

(a) Being a Christian should have an impact on the three most important relationships we are in: marriage, parenthood and employment.

(b) The Christian ethic is an ethic of reciprocal obligation - a point well made by William Barclay in his commentary on this passage. The obligations are not all on one side. Husbands have as great an obligation as wives, parents have a duty to their children and masters have responsibilities to their slaves. This was an entirely new concept in the ancient world.

(c) Paul stresses throughout this short passage that each relationship should acknowledge, please and honour Jesus, the Lord.

(1) Good advice for husbands and wives.

(a) Wives should respect their husbands. One thing cannot be stressed enough. To be submissive and show respect does not make you inferior to the person you are submitting to and showing respect. Some of the very best scholars I taught showed me the greatest respect. Those scholars were far more intelligent than me and their submission certainly did not detract from their superior ability.

This is true in many walks of life. I played cricket for Brockley for 50 years. During that time I played under several captains - none of whom was a better cricketer than me. But this did not mean that I wasn't submissive for the good of the team.

None illustrates this better than Jesus. He was submissive to his Father in heaven. He came to do the will of his Father - yet he could, and did, claim: "I and the Father are one." Jn10v30.

The question remains: Why did Paul single out respect among all the other qualities that make a good wife? Some would say sexual compatibility, interests in common, practical skills, dedication, a sense of humour are all a lot more important than respect.

I think Paul singled out respect because that is something a husband needs. He needs respect to be the best husband he coud be. Nothing is worse for a husband than to be disparaged by his wife; to be treated with contempt; to be ridiculed. I have come across wives who just love to broadcast their husband's weaknesses. Zipporah did not show respect to Moses after being forced to circumcise her son. From that time onwards she called Moses, "A bridegroom of blood." Perhaps, this is why Moses married a second time - a Cushite - to the disgust of Aaron and Miriam.

(b) Husbands should love their wives. A well dressed Christian husband - one who has put on compassion, kindness, humility and gentleness - should have no trouble loving his wife.

A wife has her needs too. She needs to be encouraged, to be shown tenderness, to receive sympathy and to be treated with thoughtfulness. The wife needs these more than respect. A husband's love is a prime requisite for a successful marriage. There is nothing worse than for a husband to take his wife for granted. It is soul destroying for a wife never to receive thanks for a nice meal, for looking particularly lovely on a special occasion, for seeing after all the Xmas correspondence! (Oh for a wife like that!)

A husband needs to avoid being harshly critical of his wife. Some men are highly judgmental. They frequently draw a wife's attention to her failings. It is not a good idea for a husband to frequently compare his wife unfavourably with his mother. This only results in a catalogue of bad reactions in the wife: insecurity, defensiveness, touchiness and unhappiness.

(2) Good advice for children and their parents.

(a) A child should be obedient in everything. There are several reasons for this:

  • It is necessary for harmony in the home. Disobedient, rebellious and disrespectful children make the home a nightmare. This is certainly true of the classroom where traditionally the teacher was in loco parentis. The most important requirement is a classroom is that the children obey their teacher. The alternative is chaos. Chaotic classrooms and chaotic homes are not happy places to be.

  • The parent - and teacher - often does know best! Both have learned valuable lessons from experience. Experience can be a hard task master. There are easier ways to learn.

    I used to give my pupils advice on what to wear for field trips to mountainous areas like the Lake District and Snowdonia. I can remember vividly the problems Susan Carruthers (I mention her by name because I would love to hear from her!) had negotiating a boulder field in the Lake District in high heeled shoes! I had given good advice on what to wear - Susan had to learn the hard way!

  • Wilful disobedience of those in authority like parents and teachers shows contempt for those responsible for the well being of the child.

    I used to have the following rule as a teacher: "When I am speaking you must sit quietly and pay attention. If you have something to say, put up your hand and wait." The child who blatantly ignores this rule and carries on talking instead of listening to their teacher, is showing contempt for their teacher.

    I am a great fan of the American comedy, MASH. Sometimes the commanding officer, Colonel Henry Blake has to address his fellow medics on the subject of, 'Sex'. Two of the doctors under Blake's command, Hawkeye and Trapper, show utter contempt for Blake by interrupting, chatting to each other and generally proving a distraction. As an old teacher - I don't find it very funny.

    Children need to learn obedience to become useful, law-abiding members of society. Proud and arrogant children become proud and arrogant members of society with a tendency to think they can behave in any way they please

  • Parental obedience pleases God. He was pleased with his Son. Jesus claimed rightly to be one with the Father. But this did not exclude him from being obedient. Jesus did his Father's will. If this was true of Jesus it should be true of all his children.

    (b) Parents must be careful not embitter their children. There are several ways a parent can embitter a child:

  • By making unrealistic demands. When I was a boy we attended morning Sunday school followed by the morning service. This was bearable. However, for the rest of the "Sabbath" the only permitted activities were reading and walking. I wasn't allowed to do my homework or play games on the village green. I got my own back. I was so bored on a Sunday it triggered an asthma attack. In the end my father gave in and I did homework on Sunday afternoon.

  • Every year the children of our Sunday school had to recite from memory lengthy, banal poems. My brother's and I hated it. There was no escape. We were the pastor's sons and it was certainly expected of us. I feel resentful to this day that we were imposed upon in this fashion.

  • When I was a young boy I strongly objected to being called in on sunny, summer's evenings, put to bed and told to go to sleep. I wasn't tired. I could hear other village children still at play. How I longed to be outside with them. My parents got bed time all wrong - to my lasting disapproval.

  • By setting over ambitious targets. A school teacher soon learns not to set work that is too demanding. Children cannot cope and get discouraged. They say to themselves, "I am hopeless at this subject."

    I can still remember with something like horror the first series of Geology lectures I attended at University College London. They were on crystallography. The lectures were on how to label the facets of a crystal with reference to the axes of symmetry. I remember that much and nothing more! After a few weeks of these lectures I felt like dropping Geology!

    I wonder if it is wise of parents to pile their children's plate high with vegetables and to tell them to finish it all up to the last Brussels sprout. Similarly I think it was a mistake expecting the Sunday school class I attended as a boy to stop for the whole of the morning service that followed - including a long sermon. My brother Paul got very fidgety and got told off on more than one occasion. We were not even allowed to read books during the sermon.

  • By punishing too severely. Parents must be careful NOT to be harshly judgemental and liable to punish excessively.

    My brother Paul always claims that he bore the brunt of our father's anger. I certainly didn't. Only recently we were reminiscing. Paul recalled leaving his jacket on the village green over night where it was chewed by the resident cart horse. When he did this a second time he was so apprehensive about his father's reaction that he was scared stiff to go home. I think my father was too rough with Paul - who actually turned out to be the best of his sons!

    (3) Good advice for slaves and their masters.

    (a) Slaves obey your earthly masters. First of all let us look at Paul's advice for employees - which is surprisingly detailed:

  • Show integrity by always giving of your best. Don't just work well in the presence of your employer to win favour.

  • Consider your work as something you do for the Lord and not just for men. Paul gives us a huge incentive to do this. Those who make work an act of Christian service will be rewarded by God whereas those that slack will suffer His displeasure.

    Why does Paul give employees these instructions? We should show that our Christian faith makes us a better servant. It is a witness to the world. C.F.D. Moule puts it like this: He must not be the sort of servant who does not dust behind the ornaments or sweep below the wardrobe.

    It is an incredibly poor witness to be a shoddy Christian workman. An ardent, joyful church goer who takes it easy in secular employment is a disgrace. I can say, hand on heart, that this is something I never did.

    (b) Masters provide your slaves with what is right and fair. So what does it mean to provide what is right and fair?

  • It means in our day and age an employer paying a living wage. The employee should earn enough money to pay for life's necessities. Jesus taught us to pray for our daily bread - life's necessities.

    It is doubtful whether the minimum wage in Britain is a living wage. No Christian employer should aim to pay the bare minimum. The very worst scenario is when a church does not pay their minister a living wage. This was the case with my father who was forced to supplement what the church paid him with what he earned labouring on a local farm. This was not good for my father or the church.

  • It means Masters make provision for slaves in old age. In Paul's time many old and decrepit slaves were abandoned to die of starvation and disease.

    Today, loyal employees should benefit from sickness payments and work pension schemes. Sadly not all do.

    Why should employers act in this way? The fact is that Christian employers have an obligation to their master - a MASTER in heaven. This master left lots of instructions on how his faithful followers should behave towards others: Do as you would be done by. Give good measure. Love your neighbour as yourself.

    Sadly, more than a few Christian employers totally ignore the practical teaching of their Saviour and Lord. Shame on them! Shame, shame, shame - shame on them!

    ANY COMMENTS FOR JOHN REED: E-mail jfmreed@talktalk.net

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