(A) Introduction.

Loneliness is a growing problem in the UK. More and more people live alone. More and more people have no one close. I can speak from experience because I am lonely. If I did not make the effort and go out to visit others I could spend week after week without seeing anyone. Lonely folk know that they do not really matter to others. No body seeks them out for their company. Few care very much whether they live or die.

Loneliness is very disagreeable. Even the great apostle Paul who had learned whatever his state to be content writes rather plaintively to Timothy: Do your best to come quickly..... Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you.... 2Tim4v9to11. Paul was fortunate to have one faithful friend in constant attendance and other young men who would hurry to his support. Some Christians in shrinking, dwindling, churches are left with no real friends. No young men hasten to their aid.

(B) The loneliness of the oppressed. See Eccles4v1to3.

The Teacher describes one of the most abject conditions of humanity in the heart-rending words: I saw the tears of the oppressed - and they have no comforter. In the last year or so in the UK there have been three small children tortured to death by their parents or guardians. The cruelty inflicted upon these children over many months was almost beyond belief. No explanation was given to them for the horrific treatment they received. They suffered alone. No one saw the tears of these despised and rejected ones - they had no comforter. They were let down by the very people who were paid to protect them. Social workers restricted the number of visits because they were afraid of contracting scabies or felt intimidated by parents. They had no comforter - no one to stand up for them; no one to represent their interests.

Many kinds of oppression exist but there are some common features. Quite often the pain is harder to bear because we receive no explanation for it. Jane Austen describes the pain experienced by Catherine Morland on being banished prematurely and without explanation by General Tilney from Northanger Abbey. She couldn't understand it. "Have I offended the General?" said Catherine, in a faltering voice. She went to bed in a very distressed frame of mind. Heavily passed the night. Sleep, or repose that deserved the name of sleep, was out of the question.

People do use their power or authority to our disadvantage - without providing an explanation. I have found, as an itinerant or lay preacher, that churches will dispense with my services without ever giving reasons. If a preacher is doing something so wrong that you are going to ban him don't you think his faults should be pointed out in brotherly love?

Another feature of oppression is that it isolates. You start to think, "I must be a bad person to deserve the treatment I am getting." This is one of the reasons physical abuse of children is so awful. Once you are convinced of your badness there is a tendency to withdraw into yourself. Bullying has this affect.

My sister-in-law told me a sad story about something that happened in her daughter's school. A little girl gave out lots of Christmas cards to the girls in her form. Another singularly obnoxious specimen ensured that all those cards were put back unopened upon the little girl's desk. Aren't children just wonderful? A boy or girl bullied at school experiences the loneliness of the oppressed.

The oppressed need a comforter. Thank God for those who spring to the support of the ill-treated and down trodden. The monster Squeers horribly abused poor Smike in Charles Dicken's, 'Nicholas Nickleby;' so much so that he ran away from that institution of ill repute - Dotheboys Hall. Eventually he was caught and returned to Mr Squeers for punishment:
Squeers caught the boy firmly in his grip; one desperate cut had fallen on his body - he was wincing from the lash and uttering a scream of pain - it was raised again, and again about to fall -when Nicholas Nickleby suddenly starting up, cried, "Stop!" in a voice that made the rafters ring.

"Who cried stop?" said Squeers, turning savagely round.

"I," said Nicholas, stepping forward. "This must not go on."

"Must not go on!" cried Squeers, almost in a shriek.

"No!" thundered Nicholas...... "I say, must not," repeated Nicholas, nothing daunted; "shall not. I will prevent it."

Smike had a champion. At last someone came to his support and delivered him from that wicked old tyrant, Squeers. More than that Nicholas gave the evil schoolmaster a taste of his own medicine. The big bully was soundly thrashed. Hooray!

Jesus was a man of great courage. However, even he felt the need of some support as his implacable opponents closed in. In the Garden of Gethsemane he looked for comfort to the presence and prayers of Peter, James and John.

Christians are not especially good at standing up for the oppressed if this means that they are going to share the same isolation, disgrace and approbation. Paul tells Timothy: At my first defence, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them. But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength. 2Tim4v16. Jesus knows what it is like to be deserted by his friends. The disciples ran away because they were either disillusioned or ashamed and frightened to be associated with him. No one stood up for him in the Sanhedrin or at his trial before Pilate. There was no lonelier place than that cross. Jesus will stand by us in adversity and give us strength. However, it is a Christ-like ministry to see the tears of the oppressed and to say with Nicholas Nickleby, "This must not go on."

(C) Loneliness in success. See Eccles4v4to8.

The Teacher claims that envy is the motivation for labour and achievement. More than this envy isolates and increases loneliness.

Carolyn used to work for the Sales Dpt of Jeyes in Thetford. I asked her how she liked her work. It was only so-so. The employees in the Sales Dpt were very competitive. There was intense rivalry. The quality of the company car was a tangible symbol of their rank in the pecking order. So members of the Sales Team used to envy each other's car. Carolyn said it was a fragmented and unhappy department. People were always moving on.

I did not find teaching in the 1970's very easy. I had been used to teaching intelligent boys in a grammar school. It was hard to adjust to a comprehensive intake. However, there was one compensation. The staff room was a happy place. There was very little rivalry and an awful lot of camaraderie. We would sit and unwind at the end of the teaching day for an hour or so. It was very different towards the end of my career. Nowadays not only are exam results published to set one school against another but they are also used to compare one department against another within a school. In this way departments become much more competitive. Teachers may come to envy another teacher's results. Schools become fragmented and there is less mutual co-operation between teachers and far less camaraderie. Teachers become lonelier. I was much lonelier at the end of my career than at its beginning.

Envy destroys unity in the church. A man or women whose talents are envied by those in a leadership position may find themselves marginalized and increasingly isolated. A person may be kept off the deaconate for years because they are perceived as some sort of a threat.

It is possible to be so busy striving to achieve success in our work that we do not find time to enjoy others; we neglect relationships. We may in the end conclude, by which time it is too late, "For whom am I toiling, and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?"

One summer holiday I had a salutary lesson. My neighbour had hired out the top story of his house to Social Services to accommodate the homeless. Two rather scruffy women moved in. They played strange sounding music very loudly that rather destroyed my tranquillity. It had a persistent, low, throbbing beat of penetrating force. I spent my summer holiday at home - decorating, catching up with jobs I had neglected for a year and preparing to meet the demands of the National Curriculum. Throughout those six weeks the two dog-eared women next door had an unending stream of visitors. No, they were not all men! Those unemployed, poor, women were extremely rich in relationships. They had scores of friends prepared to come and see them. During the entire six weeks no one came to see me! Who was the richest? It was my own fault. My priority for years and years had been work. Work can isolate and contribute in the end to loneliness.

There was a man all alone:
he had neither son nor brother.
There was no end to his toil ....

My brother's father-in-law was a successful market gardener. He was able to retire very comfortably off. Throughout his working life he laboured 12 to 14 hours a day for 7 days a week. He regrets it now! There was no end to his toil and human relationships suffered.

It is often the case that the most interesting part of an autobiography is the first part. When we are young we are forced to interact with our parents, siblings, other relatives and schoolmates. It can for some be the most intensely interesting part of their lives because relationships are forced upon them. I found the biographies of David Watson and Dr Martin Lloyd Jones rather disappointing because in maturity they spent so much time preparing and delivering sermons that human interaction was limited. They spent hours and hours in isolation because of the nature of their work.

Jesus, and later his servant Paul, always found time for people. Jesus' life is so intensely interesting because he interacted with such a great variety of folk. I am always immensely impressed by that long list of Paul's personal greetings at the end of his letter to the Romans. One of the mistakes I made in life, especially when I was younger, was to work too hard and to neglect socialising for its own sake. I realise some people can make friends a lot more easily and successfully than others. Some of us are not naturally attractive. However, I think it easy to underestimate the importance of socialising for spreading the gospel. I read only last week of one of the near defunct Grace Baptist churches in London being built up by a single Malaysian student bringing her college friends to the services.

(D) Loneliness spells weakness. See Eccles4v9to12.

This passage deals with the drawbacks of loneliness and the benefits of fellowship. There is:

The blessing of a shared activity.Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work.
Last Saturday I went to a cousin's sixtieth birthday party in Ipswich. I am pleased to keep in touch with my cousins on my father's side. They are all strongly committed to Christian service. We had an excellent meal. Now my cousins are like me - not the most entertaining conversationalists. We are afflicted with a certain brusqueness of delivery. The best part of the evening was when we all joined together to clear away and wash up. It was a collective activity and we enjoyed working as a team. It reminded me of the times our parents had gathered together to wash up after a Christmas meal. Washing up is quite a boring task if done alone but as a group activity it is almost a pleasure. It was completed in no time!

A lot of my Christian work is done alone. It is just so much more enjoyable to work together. I can remember being asked by an old pupil to share in a service at Attleborough in Norfolk where he was the vicar. It was a great pleasure for me to participate with him in leading worship that Sunday morning.

Last Autumn I asked for volunteers to help clean the gutters of our country chapel. It nestles picturesquely under a giant beech tree so the gutters are quickly clogged with debris. I don't suppose cleaning gutters would be high on everyone's list of pleasurable activities but because there were plenty of good humoured, cheerful, helpers it turned out to be a happy occasion.

(b) The blessing of the helping hand. If one falls down his friend can help him up.
In the past I did a lot of solitary walking in the mountains of England and Wales. I sometimes thought when I was well off the beaten track, "What would happen if I broke my ankle now?" There would be no one to help me up. I would have been in serious difficulty.

There are times I slipped up as a teacher. On other occasions I was knocked down. It makes a huge difference if you have a colleague who is a real friend; someone to confide in; someone who will advise and give practical assistance. I experienced something of the insecurity of walking alone in the final years of my career.

It is sad but in Christian work there can be a lack of fellowship - especially amongst elders and pastors. If you are a Christian leader I wonder how often you have been to see a neighbouring minister whom you know is having a difficult time? There are several Pastors who know that our church is declining and that it must be difficult to maintain high morale. None has ever knocked on my door and come in for a time of prayer.

I can recall when a group of young people left our church, soon after the departure of our capable young pastor, a lady came to see me. She just said, "You must be feeling low, John. I thought you might like someone to talk to." There are some who criticised that woman for being pushy! However, she did what a lot of other, "more spiritual" men never did. She extended a helping hand. It is a great pity we don't help each other more. There is very little inter-church help in Britain. Not many big churches willingly and lovingly look after smaller ones.

(c) The blessing of intimacy. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
A colleague once told me that the thing he missed most when his wife left him was snuggling up to her in bed. It wasn't so much the sex he missed as the warmth, affection and togetherness. Intimacy is a comfort.

One day a girl in my form was late for morning registration. She had been late several times before. She decided the best thing she could do was to greet her teacher with a hug. Just for a moment she placed her cheek on mine. I am afraid such intimacy is frowned on by the educational establishment today. It reminds me of what rankled more than any thing else with Brian Keenan who was taken hostage with John McCarthy in the Middle East. They were chained so far apart that they couldn't touch. Homosexuality was so abhorrent to their Muslim captors that they would not countenance touching. Brain Keenan and John McCarthy were denied the comfort of touching.

I was in the staff room on the day our headmaster broke the news that a loved colleague had died suddenly. Several of the lady members of staff broke down and wept. What did they do for comfort. They clung to the big old head of Maths.

A lonely man or women is denied intimacy. The chronically ill can feel isolated. Today I went to the West Suffolk Hospital. I was reluctant to go because the man I went to visit has advanced cancer of the tongue. Tomorrow he goes to Addenbrooks in Cambridge for treatment. He was glad to see me. I lent very close to him and he spoke indistinctly into my ear. I couldn't do him any lasting good but for a little while I brought him some comfort. People who get close to us in times of distress and share our pain provide a little warmth and comfort.

Jesus let Mary Magdalene hang on to him on the resurrection morning because she was in desperate need of reassurance. Touch can be a powerful way of showing that we care.

(d) The blessing of mutual defence. Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
I was driving in Colchester when I got into the wrong lane at traffic lights. As soon as the lights changed I shot off and cut in front of the vehicle to my left. The driver, a young man with his girl friend along side, was incensed. He pursued me to the next traffic lights blasting away on his horn. We stopped and he got out of his car and walked menacingly towards me. My travelling companion got out. He was a huge fellow. The young fellow got back into his car without saying another word. I was glad of a friend that day!

Poor Little-faith in Bunyan's, 'Pilgrim's Progress,' was all alone when he was attacked by Faint-heart, Mistrust and Guilt in Deadman's-lane. The thieves caused him much distress by robbing him of his spending money although the place where his jewels were they never ransacked. There are grave dangers travelling alone.

I was arguing about Christianity with the two friends I go bird watching with last week. One of them said, "My old mother reckoned you could be a good Christian without going to church." I told my friend that it wasn't possible. Jesus told his followers to love one another. It isn't easy to love people that you won't even meet with. More than that it is downright reckless travelling alone along the narrow way. Christiana and her children got through the Valley of Humiliation more safely than Christian because they had Mr Great-heart as their guide and conductor.

There is strength in unity. The Teacher says: A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. This is a lovely picture of unity. The three strands are intertwined - a perfect illustration of interdependence and intimacy.

I am a lonely but resourceful man. Nonetheless I feel my weakness. I would be stronger in more intimate and united fellowship with other Christians.

In these few verses we have two clear grounds for disillusionment. First of all there is an old but foolish king who no longer knows how to take advice. He becomes isolated from those who could help him by arrogance, indifference, cynicism or laziness.

One of the problems of being in a job for a long time is that you stop listening and learning. An old teacher may grow cynical in the work. He has heard it all before. Perhaps, the teacher no longer cares . He is worn out and resigned to failure. I am afraid the same can sometimes be said of a battle weary Christian leader. Nothing is sadder than a tired, dispirited, clapped-out pastor or elder who is growing increasingly isolated from his flock. A leader who is no longer open to suggestion and whose mind is closed to advice is a lonely and pathetic figure.

A young wise king will for a time enjoy great success and attract a substantial following. Verse 16 in the NIV doesn't make much sense. A literal translation would be: There was no end to all the people all before he was. The expression, 'all before he was,' probably means, 'he led.' So the verse should read: There was no end to all the people he led. Unfortunately time passed and the new generation did not appreciate the wise king because they were ignorant of his achievements and the improvements that followed his accession to the throne .

This is the way of the world and it causes a certain amount of disillusionment in the old. It is something I have experienced. I was once a good cricketer. At 61 I am long past my prime! I play with lads in their early twenties who scarcely believe in my early achievements and afford me little respect. The opposition call me, 'the old boy in the trilby.'

I can remember the reaction of the boys I taught when I left my first school after six years of teaching. I was made much of! Their determination to give me a good send off stands in marked contrast to the way my pupils responded 30 years later to my retirement. It is possible to become increasingly isolated by ignorance, forgetfulness and presumption. People see us how we are now and presume that is how we have always been. Those in positions of power and influence are ignorant of our abilities or have forgotten all about them. A lot of talent is wasted because competent older folk in the church are not encouraged. It is hard to serve God creatively and successfully if no one shows much confidence in you.

I am inclined to agree with the Teacher when he says: This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

(F) Conclusion.

Loneliness is a very sad condition. I read this about Hannah Hauxwell of the Dales in the Daily Telegraph:

Hannah's father died when she was a girl, but though she was an only child she had a large family of grandparents, uncle, aunts and her mother, Lydia. "But in the end, over the years," she says, "it was just me and my uncle and my wonderful mother, and at 67 she took poorly."

"She died before the ambulance reached the hospital. I didn't go with her in the ambulance because there was cattle work to be done, and that was the worst day of my life."

"Three years later my uncle died and then the loneliness came down. You can't be in a household with people who care about you and then be the only one left without it hurting. You go from being important to someone to not being of importance to anyone."

That is the essential problem with loneliness - you go from being important to someone to not being important to anyone. It is a great consolation to me to know that I am important to God and to Jesus. Jesus loved me and gave himself for me. Nothing can separate me from the love of God.

I once got a Christmas card from a boy called Jonathan. It contained this sad, little, message: Say hi to God for me cos I don't reckon he knows who I am. Yes God does, Jonathan. Jesus said, "Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Luke12v6and7.

When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.