Paul gives six pieces of advice on how to get on with people both inside but especially outside the church. We can test how far we have matured as Christians by honestly assessing the extent to which we comply with Paul's instructions.

(1) Do not harbour grudges. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. v14.

When we are wronged it is natural to feel aggrieved and tempting to harbour a grudge. It is all too easy to speak harshly of those who ill-use us. I was quite upset when Mr X became the leader of a small fellowship at which I spoke and proceeded to ban me from the pulpit. This happened many years ago but I am still inclined to condemn Mr X as a narrow-minded bigot. So whenever my friend Arthur speaks well of him as a godly man I show considerable grace in keeping quiet.

If we allow bitterness to take over our lives, it will destroy us. Before painting, "The Last Supper," Leonardo da Vinci got into a terrible argument with a fellow painter. It left him feeling so bitter that he decided to paint the face of Judas Iscariot to look like the man who upset him. This he did! It was the first face he completed and it was quite recognizable. But when he came to paint the face of Christ he couldn’t do it. He was powerless; something held him back. After searching his heart Leonardo realized it was his bitterness towards his enemy that hindered him. He went back and changed Judas’ face; then he was able to see the face of Christ!

We cannot paint the characteristics of Christ into our own life while painting the face of revenge upon our enemies!

When a person is wronged it is not inevitable that he or she harbour a grudge. I love the example Joseph sets us. When his father, Jacob, died Joseph's brothers feared that he would at last get his revenge. But Joseph said to them, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children." And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them. Gen50v15to21

Stephen demonstrated a similar spirit when he prayed for those who stoned him: "Lord do not hold this sin against them." When he said this he fell asleep. Acts7v59. This must have been a powerful witness to Saul of Tarsus. Saul was there, giving approval to his death. Acts8v1.

Today, the martyrdom of the Saints remains one of the strongest witnesses to the reality of Christianity. When Christians pray for their persecutors, like Stephen did, it is a wonderful testimony to the love of Christ.

When we are ill used by fellow Christians the best remedy is to pray for them and ask God's blessing upon them.

(2) Empathise with others. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. v15.

Paul tells us to:

(a) Sympathise with others.

A lot of people are not sympathetic for these sorts of reasons:

• It makes them feel bad to hear about pain, problems and disappointments. Smile and the world smiles with you. Cry and you cry alone.

• There is the belief that people bring problems on themselves. Instead of complaining people with problems should take positive action to solve them. When I taught in a boy's grammar school many years ago all the boys managed to pass O level Geography. I believed that a decent teacher - like me! - would have no problem getting any pupil through the exam. I had no sympathy for teachers who failed.

• There is the assumption that some folk make a fuss about nothing. I can remember travelling to play hockey and our driver speaking contemptuously of people who suffer from stress. He said, "What stress? Soldiers in the trenches in the First World War suffered stress. What compares to that, today?"

We shall be more sympathetic if we share the same experience that is troubling someone. Paul recognised this when writing to the Corinthians: God .... comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2Cor1v3to7.

My views have changed since teaching in a boy's grammar school. After grammar schools were abolished in Suffolk and I perforce taught in a comprehensive school I learned how hard it was to motivate pupils from working class estates. I also know what is to become stressed. My symptoms of dizziness and hyperventilation were brought on by overwork. So, I can sympathise with teachers who, one way or another, have a hard time and crack up. I can mourn with those that mourn.

Dr. Paul Brand describes in his book, 'Fearfully and Wonderfully Made,' how we can mourn with those that mourn. He writes: When I ask patients and their families, "Who helped you in your suffering?" I hear a strange, imprecise answer - the person described rarely has smooth answers or a winsome, effervescent personality. It is someone quiet, understanding, who listens more than he talks, who does not judge, or even offer much advice. His contribution is described by phrases like: 'A sense of presence.' 'Someone there when I needed him.' 'A hand to hold.' 'An understanding, bewildered hug.' 'A shared lump in the throat.' Sometimes, in trying so hard to say the right thing, we forget that the language of feeling speaks louder than words. That's why we're told to "weep with those who weep." Sympathy is two hearts tugging at one load. Helping others in distress begins by sharing the pain.

(b) Be glad for others.

It is much, much harder to rejoice with those that rejoice than to mourn with those that mourn. You only have to look at the faces of defeated FA Cup Finalists to see evidence of this. The defeated team do not exactly rejoice with their victors - they slink away from the scene of their disappointment. If you are a teacher it is hard to rejoice with the Head of Department whose G.C.S.E. results are so much better than your own. If you are an opening batsman and have just recorded your sixth successive duck it is almost impossible to exult in the success of your partner who is scoring runs galore. I have known brides who invite unsuccessful lovers to their weddings in the expectation that they will rejoice in their happiness. I don't think so! A spurned lover will be as sick as the proverbial parrot! I attend a united prayer meeting where the leaders of 5 different churches give a brief report of items for praise. It is not easy to rejoice in the wonderful blessings experienced by four of those churches if yours is the only one with few blessings to thank God for.

It is very difficult to rejoice with those that rejoice because envy, jealousy and self-pity intrude. King Saul did not react positively to the women's greeting on his return to Jerusalem after defeating the Philistines. They chanted: "Saul has slain his thousands and David his tens of thousands." 1Sam18v7. Saul was madly jealous and from that time onward plotted to kill David.

The Queen of Sheba on the other hand was able to rejoice at all the accomplishments of king Solomon. See 1Kings10v6to9.

The ability to rejoice with those that rejoice in sincerity of heart is a rare virtue. It is the mark of a truly humble man. William Barclay wrote in his commentary on Romans: It is only when self is dead that we can take as much joy in the success of others as in our own.

(3) Live in harmony. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. v16.

After one of his great victories Admiral Nelson sent a despatch in which he gave the reason for it: 'I had the happiness to command a band of brothers'. That is what the Christian church should be, a band of brothers and sisters.

Paul specifies three conditions we must fulfil to live in harmony:

(a) Don't be proud.

Pride is disruptive of harmony. The proud man thinks he knows best, expects to be deferred to and wants his own way. He can cause havoc in the church business meeting and divide the church. The fellowship I attended was fatally weakened many years ago by a dispute over where to locate new toilets. That such an issue should divide the church and result in the loss of members is testimony to the destructive power of pride.

(b) Associate with all sorts.

A Christian should be as happy to socialise with a cleaner as a barrister. The warmth of our relationships within the church should not depend upon race, class, education or wealth.

There should be no place for snobbery or partiality in the church. James writes: My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don't show favouritism. Jm2v1to12.

Paul condemned the wealthy faction in the church at Corinth for starting their love feasts early to avoid having to share their food and drink with the poor slaves who arrived late. See 1Cor11v17to34.

Christians should be like Jesus. He chose to go through Samaria in order to chat with a Samaritan woman - despised on two counts: of being a woman and being a Samaritan.

Some of the greatest saints are poor. Paul was despised because he earned his living sitting amongst the leather workers. He was impoverished - going around in rags. Ivy Boreham used to attend our church. She earned a small amount by cleaning. Her greatest vice was to talk too much. Ivy afforded her friends and family much amusement by mispronouncing many words - hatchback became hunchback for instance. Ivy treated everyone the same. She was a comical, truly humble, kind-hearted, uncomplaining Christian. Our chapel was packed for her funeral. Ivy is still greatly missed. She used to announce her arrival in church with the words, "I'm here". I look forward to hearing them again at that great gathering of the ransomed in the summer land of love.

(c) Do not be conceited.

Some Christians 'know it all'. They cannot be advised let alone corrected. They carry on in their own way to the ruin of the local church. There are just so many instances. I can recall an organist at a very sparsely attended fellowship playing so loudly that no one could hear themselves sing. When he was asked to play more quietly he left. I knew an experienced pastor who went out of his way to advise young ministers to pay no attention to their deacons - a recipe for disaster! Conceit is writ large in the attitude of both Christian fundamentalists and liberal theologians.

(4) Do not retaliate. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. v 17. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath.

When we are hurt it is almost an automatic reaction to pay back the person who has hurt us. This tendency occurs at a variety of levels:

• A little girl was making angry faces at a bulldog. Her mother noticed and told her to stop. The girl said, "But Mum, he started it!"

• During the Korean War a certain military unit hired a local boy to cook and clean for them. Being a bunch of practical jokers the guys who employed him soon took advantage of the boy’s seeming naiveté.

  They smeared Vaseline on the stove handles so that when he turned the stove on in the morning he got grease all over his fingers.

  They put little water buckets over the door so he got soaked when he opened the door

  They even nailed his shoes to the floor during the night.

  Day after day the young Korean took the brunt of their practical jokes without saying anything. There was no blame, no self-pity, no temper tantrums. Finally the men felt guilty about what they were doing, so they sat down with the boy and said, “Look, we know these pranks aren’t funny for you, and we’re sorry. We’re never going to take advantage of you again.”

  It seemed too good to be true to the houseboy.

  “No more sticky on stove?” he asked.

  “Nope.”

  “No more water on door.”

  “No.”

  “No more nail shoes to floor?”

  “Nope, never again.”

  “Okay” the boy said with a smile, “no more spit in soup."

• Abner, the commander of Saul's army established Ish-Bosheth king of Israel after the death of Saul and Jonathan. This led to a battle against men loyal to David. David's loyalists won and Abner fled for his life. He was pursued by Asahel, brother of Joab the son of Zeruiah. In order to make good his escape Abner killed Asahel. Joab bided his time but eventually he was able to lure Abner to Hebron. Then we read: Joab took him aside into the gateway, as though to speak to him privately. And there, to avenge the blood of his brother Asahel, Joab stabbed him in the stomach, and he died. 2Sam3v27.

• Tit for tat killings occur on a regular basis in Palestine between Arab and Jew, Iraq between Shia and Sunni and the three southern provinces of Thailand between Buddhist and Muslim.

Jesus taught in no uncertain terms that Christians were not to retaliate. "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also." Mt5v38and39. This is the only way to stop violence escalating. We are, in the words of Paul, to Leave room for God's wrath.

(5) Do not be a trouble maker. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. v17and18.

A trouble maker displays certain characteristics:

• A tendency to frequently find fault. Nothing is ever right for long.

• An obstructive mentality. New ideas are opposed on principle. New initiatives are dismissed as 'of the Devil'. Progress is hindered.

• A love of intrigue. Opponents are identified and discredited. Personal support is gathered behind the scenes. A 'them and us' mentality is fostered. Factionalism becomes endemic as in the church at Corinth. See exposition on 1Cor1v10to17.

• Power and influence are acquired whatever the cost.

• Be a good listener.

• Recognise people's good qualities and talk them up. Be positive and not negative. Give praise where it is due. Be of a generous spirit. It is very difficult to dislike those who speak well of us.

• Exhibit cheerful goodwill. Look pleased to see all those you meet. Dear old George Bird, a former pastor of Bethesda, Ipswich, did the members of his congregation as much good by the gracious way he greeted each one them at the door as he did by his sermons.

• Be impartial. Be friendly with everyone. Avoid cliques. Be like Paul: all things to all men. I can remember once inviting a notorious militant Calvinist to speak at one of our special meetings. He was most at home among the Gospel Standards! However, when he came to us you would never have known where his sympathies lay. He was affable, humorous, lively and brotherly. I suppose some might accuse him - as they accused Paul - of being unprincipled and inconsistent. The fact is, Pastor X could never have got his message across if he had antagonised us with a belly full of hyper-Calvinism!

• Resist the trouble makers. Note what Paul writes: If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. We do have to stand unmoveable against trouble makers and prevent them from getting their way. The easy option is either to cave in or run away. I know of churches that have closed because Christians haven't had the guts to stand up to trouble makers. Paul stood up to the trouble makers in Corinth. See exposition on 2Cor11v1to15.

(6) Show grace. If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. v20and21.

Paul calls upon us to be like God who permits the sun to shine on the just and the unjust and, more than that, does not reward us according to our iniquities but sent his son to save us from our sins.

Some examples of this policy:

(a) The king of Aram became fed up with Elisha thwarting his attempts to ambush patrols of the Israelite army. So he sent out a strong force of soldiers to capture Elisha. God struck the soldiers with blindness. Elisha then set about leading the helpless men to Samaria, the capital of Israel. When the king of Israel saw an enemy detachment at his mercy he cried out: "Shall I kill them, my father? Shall I kill them?" Elisha replied, "Set food and water before them so that they may eat and drink and then go back to their master." The result: So the bands from Aram stopped raiding Israel's territory. See 2Kings6v8to23

(b) In, 'Rumours Of Another World', Philip Yancey tells a story that illustrates the therapeutic value of grace.

When Nelson Mandela became president of South Africa, he appointed a Truth and Reconciliation Commission to bring to trial those who had been guilty of atrocities during the time of apartheid. Any white officer who voluntarily faced his accusers and confessed his guilt would not be punished.

One day an aged woman was brought face-to-face with the officer who had brutally murdered her only son and her beloved husband. Asked what she wanted from him, she said, "Although I have no family, I still have a lot of love to give." She requested that he visit her regularly so she could mother him. Then she said, "I would like to embrace him so he can know that my forgiveness is real."

Yancey writes that as the elderly woman made her way to the witness stand, the officer became so overwhelmed with shame and remorse that he fainted. The pain that woman inflicted was not sinful revenge but the purifying fire of a God-given love that can lead to repentance and reconciliation. That's the power of grace.

(c) I think the post-Second World War recovery of Japan owes much to the grace of the U.S.A in victory. Japan's recovery owed much to financial help giving by the U.S.A - help that they did not deserve. As a consequence Japan has been one of the United State's staunchest allies during the post-war years.

(d) Some of the best advice Paul ever gave is found in Col3v12to14: Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Christians are called upon to show grace because that is supremely what we rely on - God's grace to us. It is just so easy to be overcome by evil - to let it disorientate us, derail us and devastate us. We will be overcomers by showing grace. God overcame our sin by grace - and that is how we overcome the sins of others against us. BUT IT ISN'T EASY!! See story, 'An almost perfect day.'